The Drama Triangle: Recognising the Patterns and Finding Freedom

9 Jan

Warning: Once you learn about the Drama Triangle, you might start seeing it everywhere.

It’s a bit like when you first learn a new skill or concept—suddenly, it’s impossible to unsee it. When I first learned about the Drama Triangle, it was like a light bulb went off in my head. I began to notice it playing out in my own life in relationships, at work, and in my family. Understanding this dynamic can be life changing as you’ll gain insight into your relationships with others and, most importantly, with yourself.

So, if you’re curious and ready to explore, read on.

What Is the Drama Triangle?

The Drama Triangle is a model created by psychiatrist Stephen Karpman in the 1960s. It describes a common, often unconscious pattern of how people relate to each other in order to get their emotional needs met. The triangle involves three roles:

The Victim – Feeling powerless and wronged.
The Persecutor – Blaming or criticising others.
The Rescuer – Stepping in to fix or save others.

The triangle creates a self-reinforcing cycle of conflict and frustration. It can feel addictive—offering quick emotional highs at the expense of long-term well-being. If you’ve ever watched a soap opera, you’ve seen the Drama Triangle in action: someone feels wronged (Victim), someone is blamed (Persecutor), and someone rushes in to save the day (Rescuer).

It might sound dramatic (pun intended), but this dynamic plays out in everyday life all the time.

‘But none of these are me’ I hear you say. Well maybe, but dig a little bit deeper and you might recognise yourself in one of the roles, or all of them. Spoiler alert - while it’s likely that you might identify with one of the drama triangle roles, you you can be often move between each one without even noticing until you catch yourself, and the sooner you can see it the better, because you can remove yourself far quicker from the dynamic.

An Everyday Example: A missed deadline at work creates a drama triangle.

Lets take a look at how the drama triangle dynamic might play out over time.

The context: The marketing team is preparing a campaign launch, and a key deliverable (a video ad) was not completed on time, causing the entire campaign to be delayed.

Roles:

Victim: (Graphic Designer)
The Designer was responsible for creating the visuals for the video. They are overwhelmed and feel unsupported by their team. They believe they were set up to fail due to tight deadlines and unclear expectations.
Persecutor: (Team Lead)
The Team Lead is furious about the delay and openly blames the Designer during a team meeting. They criticise the Designers work ethic and accuse them of procrastinating, making them feel even more stressed and demoralised.
Rescuer: (Marketing Manager)
The Marketing Manager tries to "save" the Graphic Designer by stepping in and offering to take over communication with the Team Lead and reassign some of the Designers work to other team members. However, instead of solving the root cause, this intervention undermines the Designers confidence and leaves the rest of the team feeling resentful about the extra work, while also not encouraging the team lead to get better at communicating.

At first, the way this plays out might feel satisfying, each role helps with dopamine hits to the brain. The Victim gets validation for their frustration, the Persecutor fuels righteous anger, and the Rescuer feels important and helpful. But over time, this dynamic traps everyone in a cycle of blame and dependency, leaving no room for resolution or growth. Things may continue to escalate;

Victim - Graphic Designer starts to vent to other team members about feeling singled out and unsupported, creating divisions in the team.
Persecutor - Team Lead doubles down, insisting the Graphic Designer is the one at fault and escalating pressure on the rest of the team to ensure future deadlines aren’t missed.
Rescuer - Marketing Manager continues to shield the Graphic Designer, making it harder for them to take accountability or grow from the situation. Meanwhile, others feel like the Marketing Manager is enabling poor performance.

So as the Drama Triangle continues, resentments build, and no-one in this dynamic can thrive. Other people in the organisation are involved and it creates an unhealthy work environment. But how could people escape this set-up.

To escape the drama triangle, the team needs to break the cycle:

Victim could take accountability for their role and communicate openly about the challenges they faced.
Persecutor needs to shift from blaming to coaching and work collaboratively to identify systemic issues (e.g., unrealistic deadlines).
Rescuer can encourage a more constructive solution by facilitating a team discussion to address communication and workload issues without taking sides.

The first step is to recognise your part in the dynamic, which is hard. For the rescuer, they are being helpful, how do you know whether you're rescuing, or doing a nice thing? For the victim, it’s hard to see where you might need to take responsibilty for your part in the issues. And for the persecutor, blaming can sometimes feel like the safest choice.

The key to change, and to being free of the triangle is beginning a discovery of ourself and our motivations.

The Drama Triangle in Families

Let’s look at how this might play out in a family dynamic:

The Scenario: A mother, feeling overwhelmed by work and household responsibilities, leans on her teenage children for emotional and practical support.

The Victim - Mother: She feels unsupported and often says things like:
“I do everything for this family, and no one appreciates me.”
The Rescuer - Daughter: Tries to soothe her mum by taking on extra chores and offering emotional support, sacrificing her own needs in the process.
The Persecutor - Son: Is resentful of the constant demands, lashes out or distances himself, becoming the target of his mother’s frustration.

Over time, these roles can become entrenched, creating resentment, disconnection, and unhealthy patterns that carry into adulthood. The daughter may feel like she has to put others needs first and abandon her own which over time will build resentment, the son may feel defensive and unloved and unable to form healthy connections with others, and the mother may feel unable to stop blaming others for her unhappiness making her feel trapped and unsatisfied.

Why the Drama Triangle Feels Familiar

If you grew up in a household where this dynamic was the norm, the Drama Triangle might feel like a natural way of relating to others. You might even mistake it for love or connection. But these roles come with hidden costs:

Victims often feel stuck and disempowered.
Rescuers ignore their own needs, leading to burnout and resentment.
Persecutors become isolated and defensive, carrying guilt and shame.

These patterns are often unconscious, created in childhood and so rooted in our bodies and our patterns of behaviour that we might not even realise our part in them. But, we may feel them in our nervous system, the discomfort will play out in disjointed ways as we try to navigate the triangle and where we are in it. Often the Rescuer can become the Persecutor and the Victim the Rescuer. You can switch roles within moments, and the process can feel overwhelming and destabilising causing anxiety, mistrust, and dysfunction.

Breaking Free: How Therapy Can Help

Escaping the Drama Triangle isn’t easy—it takes self-awareness, patience, and a willingness to change deeply ingrained patterns. But it’s absolutely possible. Here’s how therapy can support you in breaking free:

1. Recognising the Triangle

The first step is awareness. Therapy helps you identify when you’re playing a role in the triangle. You might ask yourself:

Am I feeling powerless or victimised?
Am I blaming or criticising someone else?
Am I overextending myself to help someone?

With a therapist’s guidance, you can explore these patterns without judgment, creating space for change.

2. Understanding Your Role

Each role in the triangle serves an emotional purpose. Therapy can help you uncover the deeper needs behind these roles and find healthier ways to meet them.

Victims can learn to take ownership of their emotions and decisions.
Rescuers can practice setting boundaries and focusing on their own needs.
Persecutors can explore vulnerability and learn to communicate constructively.

3. Setting Boundaries

Boundaries are key to breaking free from the triangle. Therapy offers a safe space to practice saying no, asserting yourself, and letting go of the need to fix or control others while also taking responsibility for understand ourselves and our own communication style.

4. Shifting to the Empowerment Triangle

In therapy, you can begin to shift from the Drama Triangle to the Empowerment Triangle:

The Victim becomes the Creator, taking responsibility for their life.
The Persecutor becomes the Challenger, offering constructive feedback.
The Rescuer becomes the Coach, supporting others without taking over.

Why this matters

Breaking free from the Drama Triangle isn’t about blaming yourself or others—it’s about reclaiming your emotional freedom. Therapy provides the tools and support to step out of these roles and build healthier, more authentic relationships.

Imagine a life where:

You feel empowered to handle challenges without blame or guilt.
Your relationships are based on mutual respect and connection.
You meet your needs in ways that truly nourish you.

It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.

Ready to Break Free?

If you’ve recognised yourself or your relationships in this post, you’re not alone. These patterns are common, but they don’t have to define your life. Therapy offers a chance to explore these dynamics in a supportive, non-judgmental space to support building healthier patterns.

If you’re curious to learn more get in touch to see how therapy could help you step out of the Drama Triangle and into a more empowered, connected way of being.

Alis Cox